Niña Fea (2024)

Installation

17 x 22 x 35 inches

Materials: Childhood photograph, latex balloons, tape, label tapes, and my breath

     Niña Fea (2024) is the inverse of Everything I Am Not (2024) —instead of occupying a small section of a locker, I completely filled the space with hot pink latex balloons, each one inflated with my own breath. A photograph of me crying as a child is taped to the locker door, symbolizing how my adult self sees my inner child and the emotional weight of feeling small again under the pressures of responsibility. Writing directly on the balloons, the locker, and even outside its surface, I recorded my intrusive thoughts and doubts about my journey—questioning whether leaving my students behind to pursue an MFA in a city that feels indifferent was the right choice. I miss the simplicity and fulfillment of teaching, the direct connection with my students, yet I know I need to grow—for them, for my family, and for myself. Still, the fear of failing them, of not being able to make it through this path, lingers.

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      This piece embodies both resilience and exhaustion. Blowing up each balloon was physically draining, leaving me lightheaded—a perfect metaphor for my graduate school experience. The deflated and popped balloons at the bottom represent my fatigue, the moments of doubt that pile up over time. But hidden within the overwhelming pink mass are messages from my students, words that remind me why I continue pushing forward. This work fills its own space with 17 balloons—each one holding my breath, my struggle, my strength, and the complex weight of my choices.